“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.”

I was looking to paint the complex emotion of regret when I stumbled across an interesting quote by Arthur Miller,

 “Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.”

I think this means that its important to learn and grow from them, those are the right regrets - the ones we can learn from and move on, as for all the rest of our regrets? Well, those are simply the ones we just have to let go.

Holding on to Pain

I had an idea for a painting, that I thought would capture a multitude of raw emotions, but I needed a good reference photo to work with.

 So early  yesterday morning, I went out to my garage, where I keep a gym rope that I use for cross-fit training. 

It was far to bright in the garage for the cast shadows I was looking for, so I stapled large green trash bags over all the windows to block out the sun light, I set up my camera on an old tool cart and used a single automotive drop light for my lighting. 

I took several shots of myself hanging from this rope, hoping to capture the feeling I was looking for. 

This painting is titled "Holding on to Pain"

It depicts a man that refuses to let go of the sadness, the loneliness and the bitterness of life, it has sculpted him into a rock and he carries this weight with him where ever he goes, heedless to what he has become and totally unaware that some day the rope will break. 

Caged Emotions

With the primitive concept of  caged emotions in mind, I aggressively tore thin strips of canvas and gessoed them to a custom stretched  25 ½” x 33" x 1 ½”  canvas. After this dried, I Worked  quickly with a pallet knife building up thick layers of oil paint, scumbling layer over layer covering the entire canvas to represent a depth of anguish. 

I then go onto blackening the thin strips of canvas with a large round brush, recreating the mental bars we forge in our minds to suppress our emotions

The yellow glob of paint on the upper left is the spirit, although faint as it may be, it relentlessly struggles to pry open the bars,.to let it all the hell out.

"Loveless"

Well..... the new jobs keeping me busy, won’t have time for those figure drawing classes this year. Haven’t had any luck  getting people to come over my house and pose naked either....only other option is to drop my draws ,snap a few shots and work with what I got. 

I titled this painting "Loveless"

as it represents the feeling you get the moment you realize that the one person in the world you think about all the time, dream about falling in love with, and simply can’t go on without.......doesn't feel the same way towards you.

Its time for a change

I often struggle with the concept of what to paint, what subject matter will be worthy of devoting my time to, what expresses who I am, how I feel and what I want to say in my work.. 

Up until now I've spent countless hours exploring the learning process by painting still life's and copying from the masters, though I realize this is necessary for development,  I cant help but feel that my overall body of work remains somewhat hollow and far from a true reflection of what I want to say as an artist.

Its time for a change

From this point on, I will begin a new chapter in my life as an artist. I've dammed up a tremendous amount emotions in my 48 years, and what I really need to do now is open the flood gates and spill that all into my work. 

I’m sure its common for many artists to think that their work is not good enough and believe me I’m no exception, I have my insecurities but from this point on I don’t care anymore , I don’t care if I make mistakes and I don’t care if I think its not good enough. I’ll leave that for others to decide.  

The only way I can see myself growing as an artist is to dive with reckless abandon into my deepest inner emotions, rip my heart and soul out and throw it at the canvas. 

I want my work to say that I have lived, loved, laughed and cried with every God forsaken emotion in between...... as we all have. 

Warning !!! What you are about to see from here on may not be pretty, but it will definitely be me. 

Twenty Nine Ways To Stay Creative